Editor's Note: This autobiography was dictated to Jo Haythornthwaite in 1978. I have inserted some editorial notes in [brackets]. Some passages have been rearranged into more nearly chronological order. The most difficult editorial decision was treatment of one or two memories that were inaccurate, probably as a result of her growing older. They have been left intact. Editing and presenting this text with the photos was a project shared with my Dad.-- T.H.

Born June 26th, 1902, at my Grandfather's house, at New Cross, London S.E., England. Parents John William and Ethel Alice Spear (née Spencer of Chudleigh, Devon, England). My parents moved to South Norwood, S.E. London just after my brother Richard was born (date of birth 8/2/05) and lived there until about 1920 when we went to live at 24, Southcote Rd., S.E.25.

John William and Ethel Alice Spear

Ethel Alice Spear (née Spencer) with Richard John (left, aged 1) and Ethel Hilda (aged 4)

E.H.H. and Richard John Spear

John William Spear in front of 24 Southcote Rd.

Southcote Rd.

During the war, my father was first a Staff Sergeant, then quickly promoted to Staff Captain, to enable him to visit Headquarters staff, to arrange Postal Services for troops, stationed at various posts in East Anglia, under his charge. We traveled around with him, "letting" our Albert Road, S. Norwood home. My brother attended several schools at Colchester, Norwich, Cambridge, Clacton-on-Sea, Frinton, but I only attended Higher Grade Cambridge, model (Norwich) School (private) and Convent at Colchester until my Grandfather suggested that as he was a minister he could enable me to attend a good boarding school, at reduced rates (Clergyman's family) and it would be nicer if I left a Catholic School and had a Protestant basis education. So, although I was not influenced at any time by the lovely nuns, who were certainly good teachers, it was perhaps wise to enter Southcliffe College, senior part of St. Monica's, Clacton-on-Sea, at the age of 13 until 161/2 years of age. I left school with Junior, Intermediate and Senior Local Cambridge Certificates of Education (known as Matriculation.)

My parents had returned to South Norwood by late 1918 and my brother was then at Selhurst Grammar School, near Croydon.

My father was once again at Borough High Street P.O., London, where he remained until he retired in 1932, after over 40 years government and army Postal Service. He received the Imperial Service Medal for serving over 40 years. Having left school Xmas 1918, 1 started at Cox's Bank, Mayfair Branch, with a school friend. Her father was employed by the bank, (January 1919 we started), and there met a friend Ida, who was always one of my closest friends until I left for Canada and she died Xmas 1973.

Cox's was a bank which paid officers' salaries and we really enjoyed meeting them. Ida married one of them who, after Naval Service, went to Barclay's Bank. After the war, quite some time, Barclay's took over the little bank and we were transferred to other banks. Ida and I went to Anthony Gibbs (Australian Merchant Bankers), 22 Bishopsgate. The work was very monotonous - the bank was very kind to us in many ways but we both decided (now 18 years of age) to try for the Civil Service Open Exam. at Burlington House and both were lucky in getting ourselves clerical posts in Telephone Service. She married very soon after and I became engaged to be married at 18 years of age to a very wonderful (to me) person, Jack Isaac Partridge - just 30 years of age, an ex-officer, then Civil Servant in Inland Revenue Dept. The very real love affair between an 18 years of age and a 30 year old man. He lived at Ilford, Essex, and I in S. London. Both working in London, we spent much of our time "dining out" at the Corner House, dancing at "The Pop" (Lyons Popular Restaurant) and just longed for our future together - both saving hard with one object in view. It wasn't to be - the effects of gas used during the war in France (before I knew him) had left its mark and to our distress, both his lungs became affected despite deflating one, and he died when I was 20, at Benenden, Kent, in the Civil Service Sanatorium.

Hilda (2nd from right) and friends

Thanks to my parents, his parents and my friends I realized that I had to carry on, and I became a career person, doing my best at the office, where I became a Clerical Supervisor with Upper Warlingham, Purley, Wallington, Burgh Heath, Croydon and Fairfield Exchanges my responsibility as Centralized Salaries, etc. Part of it on written complaints work and on after 7 p.m. cheaper calls accounts. This I left after 17 years service to marry Frank Haythornthwaite. I had passed him many times on the stairs and as I always said "Good Morning" (I passed time of day with all) I did not really know him at all. He was transferred from Croydon to London at his request and he was invited back to the combined Xmas Party. For several years I went abroad for holidays with my parents and during the party I was showing snaps to some friends and Frank came across and asked if he could join us. We all played games later and I had him as a partner when dancing and we won the lucky spot prize - he cigarettes and I a box of chocolates. Later he asked a mutual friend the name of the Lady in Red and said he wondered why I had never married, and the friend, Mac, whom I still hear from, told him my history, and that I hadn't seriously gone with anyone else since Jack died.

This was enough for Frank. He simply rushed me into friendship. An orphan since the age of 20, he was a lonely soul - lived in lodgings - had just seen his brother through a divorce - certainly had not had much fun ever, and my parents befriended him, he often meeting me from the office. He changed his lodgings to live nearer me and in the July after the Xmas Party when we had really met, he asked my parents if they would object to him staying at an Hotel in Devon when I went to visit my Aunt. We went for a week and the first evening, at Babbacombe he "popped the question" and already had a lovely three diamond ring with him. A great surprise to me, and I wasn't in love with him at that time. He had gone with a friend to-have the ring made - chose the diamonds and, like his friend had done previously, went to Hatton Gardens. My parents knew before I did, and my father, I'm afraid, was very concerned as Frank rarely smiled and I was earning so much more than Frank (he was 28 and I nearly 32 years of age).

[...] Frank was born 27-9-06 at Blackburn, Lancashire, England. His parents, Ellen and James, were also born in Blackburn. His mother had worked in a cotton mill, before marriage, but when married they leased a chemist shop which also sold sweets and groceries.

They both worked very hard and were a success, until a new law came into force, which said all chemists must hold a diploma before dispensing medicines. A manager and Frank's mother kept on the shop and Frank's father took a job in a Chemistry warehouse (wholesale business). It was a great worry for them and war time conditions (Great War) did not help. They both died in 1926 (May and Sept.) leaving Frank an orphan at 20 years of age.

Of course I never met Frank's parents. Had no mother in-law, etc. I believe they were both very strict and fair. The children had pocket money - if they spent it on sweets had to go into their chemist shop and hand money over the counter before getting their (very good portion - extra of course) sweets!!! This always amused Frank.

Their mother had a cane which was a threat, more often than in use. She could use a slipper to them when she would say "Bend over that chair" then perhaps change her mind and say "Oh get up - next time you will be unlucky." They respected her.

Meanwhile Albert, (known as Sandy and Alec later) Frank's seven years older than he brother, after attending the local elementary school, then County Secondary School, joined the Royal Flying Corps. After finishing R.F.C. service he applied to go to London University, recommended by R.F.C. where he qualified and became a chartered accountant sometime afterwards. Went into partnership and shared an office with another at Thornton Heath, Surrey. After a divorce he left private practice for jobs in large firms. He married again and now has one daughter and two sons, all married. and four grandchildren in England.

Alice, Frank's sister is now a widow, living in a Senior Citizen flat in Coventry. She has two adopted daughters (married) and one granddaughter.

Frank, youngest of his family, attended the local elementary school (North Country people paid 6d. [sixpence, now £.025] per week, took money to school every Monday).

At eleven years of age he went to the County Secondary School but at thirteen years of age had a scholarship to Blackburn Grammar School. He left school at 17 years of age with Inter B.Sc. (Matriculation Certificate). He went into an electrical firm but later went to London and sat for entrance to Civil Service - started in a Telephone Exchange as a P.O. Engineer where he held jobs for 39 years as Inspector, Chief Inspector, Assistant Engineer, Executive Engineer and designer of apparatus in the Telecommunications Headquarters (Engineer-in-Chief's Office), London.

My parents, on my return from holiday, moved to "The Angles", Three Bridges, Sussex, where they spent their retirement for several years.

"The Angles"

I remained at the Southcote Road house, owned by my parents, for a few months. Frank and I went to The Angles most week-ends. I still wasn't in love but felt my friendship was helping him and I just couldn't sort things out somehow. Everybody said how happy he now looked and he had started to make our bedroom suite in the workshop at his lodgings. A really lovely bed, bedside table, tallboy, and then a three-winged dressing table. His landlady was a dear and encouraged him all the time - making room for each piece of furniture as it was finished. I still hadn't started my "bottom drawer" and when three engaged friends said one day "We are thinking of going on a cruise before getting married and wondered if you would like to join us", this I did, and we went on the Montcalm to Madeira and Tangier and really enjoyed ourselves. I bought and ordered tablecloths from Madeira and these started my "bottom drawer" for us, to which I added my collection of years previously.

Frank, on our return, once again rushed me and we were married on July 1st., 1936, just 18 months after our Xmas Party meeting! My father loaned me my Office Dowry (1 year's salary which was sent to me three months after marriage) and this was our down payment, of course, on the house which Frank bought via Insurance Co. and had deducted from his salary, monthly, by the office. He repaid me my dowry money when the house was paid for, although I did not request it.

Eva, Alec, Frank, Hilda, Alice. July 1, 1936.

Worth Church

We married with quite a bit less per month, for us both to live on, than I had earned, but Frank sat for Chief Inspector's open exam., and in a year was earning very good money.

372 Upper Elmers End Road, decorated for the Coronation of Elizabeth 2. 1954

Having married, and being over 34, I welcomed having a family and just didn't seem to be going to be lucky. My friend Ida Ansell (mentioned above) lived in the same road and the four children in her family called me Auntie Hilda and were so keen to visit us. Ida and Bert got really upset and very seriously she said one day "How would it be if we had another and you adopted it?" Anyway, after 2-1/2 years of marriage my greatest with came true and I had a son, [December 8, 1938] Raymond Frank, a joy to us both, right from the very first.

E.H.H. and Ray, c.1942

The Second World War had just started (1938) and until just before Ray was two years of age Frank's office staff were evacuated to Harrogate, Yorkshire, and Ray and I remained at our Beckenham, Kent house. The local school children were evacuated to safer places in England. We lived on the route the German (enemy) planes took to reach Croydon Aerodrome and London, and had balloons flying above our district and several guns at the ready on grounds 5 minutes walk from us, so were in a dangerous position. Frank, before leaving us had built a shelter in our dining room and Ray and I slept with our heads under the piano for protection. Several times we had very near escapes. Twice the blast took off the back door and front door and for most of the war time we had boards instead of glass (blown out) in the windows. Three times glass was put in by troops. All the ceilings came down and one wall at the top of the flight of stairs cracked badly. We did not lock back or front doors, so that Air Raid Protection Corps could enter at any time. The sound of our guns was deafening at times and sirens warned us of enemy planes coming and went again as "all clear". Luckily I was able to keep my (not yet two years of age) son from being frightened and he learned to say "planes - bombs - guns" as if they were an adventure, so was spared the nervous trouble some children had later. Ray and I were rescued twice when doors both were blasted off and stopped us from being able to get out of the house. Looking back now I feel that we were very lucky - just escaping trouble. The enemy decided to leave us unmolested three or four weeks and I had a class of six children (5 year olds) in my front room. A young teacher came to give them lessons - just each morning. The children brought a lump of coal (rationed strictly those days) each a week. I did this for three weeks.

Meantime Frank had purchased a bicycle in Harrogate and was going just everywhere, in all his spare time (as thousands of evacuated people were) trying to find a home of safety, near his lodgings for us. Finally, as things at Beckenham became much worse and "doodle bugs" came from Germany Frank came for us and we stayed at his lodgings (a bus driver's very small house) whilst I looked around, and after visiting estate agents for one month I was so lucky. [In fact the V1 "doodle bug" flying bombs were not used until much nearer the end of the war.] A lady had just been in - a half of a furnished house was available and I went right away to see it and paid a month's rent before leaving her. Her married daughter, husband and son a little older than Ray (Malcolm) had just left, due to her husband being called for active service and she had taken a housekeeper's job locally and was anxious to "let" part of the house.

We were with Mr. and Mrs. Lee for over five years (he was an ex-miner and she was employed all day by a food establishment) so I had the house (kitchen) to myself. On Tuesday evenings Mrs. Lee "baby sat" and Frank and I had a permanent booking at the local rep. for Tuesday and saw very many new plays being tried out and those who became famous later often took part.

In return for Mrs. Lee's baby-sitting, every Friday evening I cooked Mr Lee's evening meal so that she could spend her day off with her daughter and grandson - a bus journey away. We were very happy at Harrogate. Ray went to a little church school at Bilton. He just had to go from the house, turn left, walk on the same pavement as the house, just to the last building - the little school, for 5 to 11 years of age. It, like the houses we were in, overlooked the moors and farmlands - a lovely spot - had to walk over a mile to main shops, but there were 3 general stores quite near. The teachers at the school were really dedicated to their work and Ray responded beautifully to their teaching. He was with 7 year olds. Maybe that helped. When he left at 7 years, of age, to return to London (6 months before Frank), the war being over, the school told me that they had lost a "for sure scholarship boy". I have always felt grateful to them for the way they did their very best to teach large classes so that London children would not suffer. Later I heard from six mothers after their children had London District Scholarships, and one mother and son Ray and I met in London and took the children to the Zoo, and spent a lovely day with them.

When at Harrogate, [Frank] wore uniform on a Friday as he belonged to the Home Guards. He also was on duty at the Prince of Wales Hotel (where their office had evacuated) to watch on the roof for enemy activity, which hardly ever came near Yorkshire. During these duties the staff had games equipment, e.g., table tennis, billiards and two lovely lathes for woodwork, which became Frank's real interest, and he made toys for Ray and beautiful bowls for us.

For about one month after our return to Beckenham we had over £200 worth of war damage repairs ordered and they were done before Frank returned.

It was lovely to have Frank back home with us and I realized then I was in love with him and that deep love lasted throughout our lives together.

When he was back in Beckenham he soon had his own lathe and started making things. Not long after this, Ray and I went to Bromley Grammar School to an exhibition and I spoke to a gentleman who manned the "woodwork" stall, and Ray said "My Dad makes nicer things than those, I think" and he, Mr. Howe, gave me his address and telephone number, and asked us to get in touch.

Sometime afterwards, we did so, and it was the means of Frank learning the correct way and a friendship which resulted in Frank going, as a visitor, to the Ornamental Turners Society and later he was a very active member - in fact Editor of their bulletin for 3 years at least, and on the Committee. He won a bronze medal from The Worshipful Company of Turners open competition for a casket, and had several awards for inlaid trays - his special success.

My parents, meanwhile, still lived at The Angles, Three Bridges. Unfortunately my Dad developed heart trouble and he died at the age of 75 years. Soon after Dad died, my brother Dick, who had seen active service in France and Holland where he had been wounded in his leg and spent some time in a Dutch Hospital, - and so received a disability pension, went to Birmingham and had jobs, staying at a hostel. We lost touch with him for some time. Mother remained at Three Bridges until she was 65 years of age, when she "let" her bungalow (later sold it) and came to live with us, with her own furniture, until she was 78 years of age. At this age she died of senility at Cain Hill Hospital, having been there from April to October.

When Mother was with us my brother just turned up and in fact stayed with us for some weeks. He got a job in Croydon for ex-servicemen and went to live in Addiscombe - visited Mother most Sundays. We again lost touch with him as he changed lodgings.

He had an accident - was very much hurt by a motor cycle driven by an 18 year old. My brother stepped from behind a car and was in fault. Helpless from last day of January to April. He mercifully died at 62 years of age, and I was so pleased at the inquest that the young driver was cleared.

I was a W.I. member for over 30 years and Townswomen's Guild member for nearly as long. My mother had aspired to being President and Vice President but my limitation was Secretary-Treasurer or on various committees -- produce, Arts and Crafts, Choir being almost my favourite activities. Drama I took part in but again didn't achieve any fame. My mother was known for her Devonian monologues - she dressed the part and really entertained the members.

We helped run the local "over 60's club as part of our W.I. or T.G. membership - good fun either serving or washing up or singing via choir, drama etc. or merely talking to and seeing that the over 60's were enjoying the meeting - playing the piano for dancing, etc. Most of the over 60 age group had been teachers, active housewives or just loved to dance and join in singing.

A membership of 200, they had their drama group, and choir and gave yearly concerts to the public - very ably trained by a W.I. or T.G. person. My mother (an ex-teacher) was on the committee after she joined. At concerts she was "The Queen" with a King one year, and "Joan" a Darby another year -suitably garbed!! The old folk just loved the meetings and we enjoyed our from 12 until 4 p.m. duties seeing them. We nearly always had to run out to get more cakes, biscuits or milk as they were allowed to bring friends and they came!!! Lunches had to be ordered the previous week and were brought to the hall already cooked and just for us to serve and deal.

We also "did duty" at the local hospital and Bethlehem Royal Clinic - distributing library books and serving teas and if a visitors day, helped to put flowers in vases for patients. Talking, of course to patients and sometimes writing letters at their dictation. We went with postage stamps as we found several had run out of them. This became a general supply by us later on and it was a frequent greeting, "Please have you stamps?"

I was a member of Hospital Friends Group - both at Beckenham and then Lymington - also of Cain Hill Hospital, subscribing to various "wants" of Hospitals. My afternoons were always quite busy. One day a month I went to Bromley and one day to Keston, both quite a journey and still got home before Frank arrived. He always found his evening meal ready, sometimes only just. Some of my W.I. friends' husbands came home on later trains but about 4 of us had this rush - also for a train - and they were so infrequent we often ran across the Common (those were the days!!!) and thought nothing of it. We have even had a train held up for us!!!! Two arrived in time for the train and two of us were on the way and the driver was kind to us. We rewarded him with some small cakes and he always knew us after!! One day he noticed there were 3 of us and he said "What have you done with the other lady?" The trains left us for a further 12 mile journey to London, to collect passengers, to take them home again to where we had been in the afternoon, which was the terminus.

The years Ray attended St. Dunstan's College (Public School) were happy and quite eventful ones for Frank and I. Ray worked hard. At the age of 13 he went with a party from the school, on holiday to St. Malo, northern France, and visited several places of interest including St. Michel. He brought back presents to my mother (his grandmother) and to Frank and I. I still have Frank's-gift and a little powder compact he bought for me, and it had the powder I favoured in it!

A few years later, when he was about 15 of 16 years of age he again went abroad with the school, this time by sea to Denmark and then on to the Island of Bornholm in the Baltic Sea. He brought back a bottle of real Danish Cherry Brandy (a liking of ours, but usually we just had some over Xmastide). I was really delighted that Ray was able to travel having had such wonderful holidays abroad with my parents.

Ray also went to "camp" with the School Corps, (Officers Training Corps attached to Public Schools). Although due to my own experiences and to having lost 3 of my relatives due to the war, I did not allow him to play with forts or soldiers - hoping this might keep him from war time ideas, but at the age of 12 he was, in uniform every Monday and went to his first "camp" at that age (he had been a wolf cub and Juno member at about 9 years of age) and I realised that he would have to follow the school routine. He became a Lance Corporal, Corporal and later Sergeant.

Ray

Before he left the school he lead the Armstrong Society - arranged meetings and wrote their article in the school magazine - they were a science group. Once Frank was able to supply him with interesting data concerning the telephone system and its uses and he attended the meeting. He came home and (although he never praised) he said. "I did enjoy myself and all looked so interested. The meeting went just as we hoped."

In 1952, whilst Ray was still at school, my cousin Bess cane to England from Australia for a very short holiday en route for a year stay in America. She was such a dear - a young widow, a Flying Sister in charge of a clinic at Brisbane. Her husband was an ambulance driver, killed during the war. She volunteered for Flying Sister service to and from Manila and became dedicated to nursing for all time until she retired last year, 1975 at 60 years of age. Just prior to coming on the visit to England and America, she became engaged to a Tom Ferguson, but knowing her late husband's mother (Mrs. Richardson) very much wanted to visit England and her daughters in America, Bess decided first to come with her, before marrying Tom. They arrived in England on Dec. 6th (the very day Ray was confirmed by the Bishop of Coventry - at West Wickham). They were met by my cousins Cyril and Ron and they stayed in North London. We, Frank and I, went over to see them and arranged for them to stay with us Boxing Day and the three following days. My mother was slightly senile but was so very happy to see Bess (her sister's daughter) - to learn of her sister Rose, still in Australia, and we found Bess to be a lovely person. She and Mrs. Richardson, who was charming, left for America on the Queen Mary on January 7th, expecting to return two years later, to Australia, via England, but instead they left from America.

Mrs. Richardson stayed with her daughters but Bess had to take a job and she went as a Sister to the American [Johns] Hopkins Hospital. I forgot to mention that whilst with us, Frank took them to London three times and showed them many interesting places - in fact anywhere they had hoped to visit. They returned from London one day in the very worst "fog" we had ever known. They both caught colds and had sore throats after leaving England which they said were due to "eating fog". They took back copies (several) of London Evening papers to prove they had been in London's worst fog ever! Bess returned to her clinic work and Mrs. Richardson (both with bowls made by Frank) to her bungalow.

A few years after Bess came to us her brother's daughter Pam came to England on an exchange visit. She came from a shipping firm and an English girl had her job and Pam had the London one for 2-1/2 years. She was our frequent visitor both at Beckenham and later at Barton-on-Sea. She also visited Jo, Ray and Tom at their Hampshire, England home. We all liked Pam and we looked forward to visits. We took her about London and in Hampshire visited lots of places by car.

Hilda, Pam, and Ray, c.1968

She had to return to Australia after trying very hard to extend her "work" period. She had already stayed six months longer than the two years usually granted but this second application was refused.

Meanwhile she rejoined her Australian church, got friendly with a London University graduate - they had mutual English interests - she knew him slightly before leaving Australia but wasn't interested as was older. She married him 18 months after her return to Australia and now has two children - Michael 5 years of age and Julie nearly 3 years of age. With a card from them this Xmas she has sent photographs of them. They look lovely - very natural, healthy children. Pam has asked for a photo of Ray and family if possible. She writes to me as Dear Cousin Hilda (my English Mum). Her husband's special friend is a Professor at Queen's University, Kingston. Ont. (Dr. Karl Van Dalen). They, Pam and family, her parents, two sisters and two brothers live not far from each other. All the girls are married, boys at school.

All my family had now left me (after great anxiety for me at times). Ray and Frank now became my main objects of care and I resolved to do my best now for them. Ray at 10 years of age had a scholarship to St- Dunstan's College (one of 10 allotted to Kent Scholars) [The number was actually 20]. He was there until 18 years of age when he applied for entrance to Leeds, Cambridge and Nottingham Universities - entrance exam or interviews. He had an Open Exhibition to Nottingham from where he graduated - became B.Sc. Chemistry, reading, I believe, Maths and Economics with this main subject.

Frank and I were very proud of him and I always will be. We went to Nottingham Albert Hall and saw him at graduation ceremony. He had become engaged to be married to Joyce Mary Westby, a zoology graduate B.Sc. (a year after Ray received his degree). We attended Jo's graduation in July and they were married (after attending Frank's and my Silver Anniversary July 1st.) on August 18th, 1961. Jo became a teacher at a school in Cheshire where Ray had been transferred from a G.E.C. job at Coventry. They had a Lancashire-born son, Thomas Westby Haythornthwaite, again a tremendous joy for Frank and I. They moved from Poynton, Cheshire where they were purchasing a house to a job at Southampton with Mullards (subsideary of Philips) and again started to purchase a very nice Wimpey-built property.

Ray had a Lambretta scooter when at Nottingham University but he learned, to drive a car there and arranged to take a test in Frank's car when on a vacation in Beckenham. We went to Bromley and left him making our way, walking through the busy town. He passed. us, looked very occupied - did not notice us of course, but he looked O.K. We returned at about the time a test would take and Frank said "I wonder how he managed". Just then we saw our car and Ray was taking off the "learner" plates and for the second time I heard Frank say "He has, you know" - the very words he had used when. St. Dunstan's notified us, by post, of Ray's (ten years of age) scholarship, (about seven years earlier).

Ray's Lambretta and family Ford Anglia (before 'L' plate removed)

Ray greeted us with "all smiles". He had passed the necessary test at 1st attempt. We let him drive us home - a real car driver, not a learner. Whilst living in Hampshire, England, Ray passed the Advanced Driving Test.

I was very tempted to ask Frank if I could learn to drive, at that stage and a few days later I put out a feeler. Margery and (Aunt) Eva had just learned and I have driven cars in 1928-9. Learned on a Jowett and then a Morris 8. Taught by my friend's father and was often invited to join them at weekends for their runs and Viv. and I were allowed to drive a short way each time. Never in traffic - in country lanes - but I did like it and always meant to save for a car of my own. I married Frank in 1934 so my plan for a car did not materialize.

I think my reply to my hint to like to drive was something like "Why you? Don't you like me to take you anywhere you want to go?" And not a very happy look greeted me. Next step would have been annoyance. A north country trait I tried to avoid, and I could never win when this was on its way. I could persuade but always by easy stages, not a direct request. I had learned. I always had found it so much easier to ask a direct question at the office or in my parents' home and maybe persuasion was not a remedy I liked to use, so I reluctantly dropped the subject and never became a car driver. I am very glad that Jo drives and that Ray was keen for her to do so - that he praises Jo or Tom when they deserve it - it makes up for former disappointments in my case. Jo quickly passed her test - as they both did in Canada.

In my Nottingham University recordings I should have mentioned that Jo was "Charm Girl" for the University. That her photograph appeared with those of nine other girls in "Chickerah", the 1959 Students' Carnival Book. The Queen's Dress Designer, Norman Hartnell, judged her to be the Charm Girl. We certainly agreed with the choice and round about that time she also became Ray's choice for a life partner. He was Associate Editor of the Chickerah at the time. Jo went to Ireland with a party of students from Nottingham University, where they took part in a project for research. Ray, with his scooter, later joined them and they were able to enjoy an outdoor holiday, combining study with camping experience. It was nice to have slides of their activities.

Part of Jo's project was concerned with creepy-crawly insects to be found in Ireland. Later, after Jo and Ray had married, Frank and I looked after Tom whilst they went to Scotland on an investigation - trying to locate the Loch Ness Monster - still not found to exist - investigation still goes on - hopefully.

I lived two complete lives during most of my very happy marriage. From 2p.m. until 5p.m. I belonged to W.I.[Women's Institute], Townswomen's Guild, Mothers' Union, Drama, Choir, Produce and Arts and Crafts Groups, having many classes - glove making, fancywork, basket making, lampshade making, - at my home in aid of W.I. or T.G. I made many friends and enjoyed women's company. The instructors liked coming to No. 372 and it was fun. The members helped with biscuits, buns, etc, and I made a cup of tea. Usually Dorothy Whybird or Doris Clarke helped me. All had to leave by 5p.m. as Frank came home at 5.50p.m. and the rest of the day and week-ends I devoted entirely to Frank's comfort. He knew, and was satisfied. Such a "home bird", I would never have had outside interests had I relied on him.

Ray, c.1965

Jo, 1965

My Father's brother, Alfred Ambrose Spear, of a cable company, came to Canada and lived in an apartment at Montreal (Park Avenue) for years. He had a lovely wife (Sarah Ann Bullock) and two children - Alfred (who visited my parents at Three Bridges during the war) and olive May. I know they went to university in Canada and later moved "west" in Canada after graduation.

My cousin Vi Spencer (Mother's side of the family) married a Canadian (met in U.K.) in the 1st. World War and went to live on a grain (wheat) farm at Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. They lost a lot of money due to bad harvest. Vi's Dad - my Uncle Jack of Plymouth, a master builder - loaned them or gave, a thousand pounds which too was lost. She was a private teacher of music in U.K. and had a music school later in Canada.

She is 10 years older than I, now lives at Calgary. I hear from her. She has 2 sons, Jack and Bill, and one daughter, Viola, married to a Ph.D. (London U.) geologist, and an adopted son. Also umpteen grandchildren. She remembers seeing me last at my Grandmother's when I was 6 and she 16 years of age, at Exmouth, Devonshire.

He submitted, after retirement in 1966, a patent (British) in his name to his former office - ideas for an invention and quite a while afterwards he was granted an award of five hundred pounds. The P.O. now owns all rights forthwith. The invented gadget is [as of the writing] very widely used now in U.K. fitted to all coin collecting telephone boxes, - is saving P.O. Telephone Service pounds and pounds in outgoing expenditure. A former colleague of Frank's mentioned that Australia was interested.

When we retired to Barton I joined W.I. and when the family went to Canada, whilst Frank did woodwork. On a Sunday I went to Church and there met friends and although not at all religious, l loved to join with others and Mr. James, the young minister, visited Frank when he was in hospital at Poole and Milford, and I believe helped Frank, who said he liked Mr. James to visit him. Mr. James is now an RAF padre - very suitable for such a dependable friend - mannish and helpful at all times. I hope that he doesn't work too hard! He now has three young sons and nice wife to think about as well.

with Tom at Southbourne, c1964

Tom and Jo, c1965

On April 23rd, 1970, Ray, Jo and Tom emigrated to Ottawa Canada. Ray, Jo and Tom stayed a night with us at Barton-on-Sea, then stayed at an hotel in London, before boarding the plane for Canada. After staying at a motel they lived in a rented house at Kanata and in May 1971 they started to purchase a house in [50] Foothills Drive, Ottawa.

At first it seemed a real blow to us. I am all for being ambitious, and improvement in circumstances is of consequence so my doubt after receiving letters from Canada lessened. It was my third family experience of relatives making their future in Canada.

Frank and I just lived to receive letters from the family. Jo kept and wrote diary-like letters and Dad was always first to rush (not ever a letter liker or writer of letters previously) and it became his daily interest and he read and reread Jo and Ray's epistles, and they were not torn up, as other correspondence!

At this time, after much persuasion, Frank visited a doctor - he had an operation followed by radio-therapy - and was a very ill man. To my surprise, he talked of a holiday in Canada, (he had not long before received an award of five hundred pounds for an office invention) and I knew it was a great risk but he was so keen and had never been abroad before. The doctor would not help me to decide after telling me the sad news.

Eventually, August 1971, we left Barton, by private car, taking us to Gatwick airport. That day, I was the one who was really ill. As we left Barton, and en route, I wondered if I could make it - a neighbour had given me brandy and many saw us off from both Closes [local dead-end roads], at 6a.m. As we neared the airport I recovered and was O.K. Think it was worry and hard work - to leave all at the bungalow O.K. for one month, and also Frank would attempt to lift luggage if my back was turned and I knew he should not. He did not know how ill he was, of course.

9 Prestwood Close, Barton, c.1967

We really enjoyed the flight, the food served on the plane, scenery etc., and what a joy to see Ray at Toronto and then dear Jo and Tom and to visit their lovely home and nice surroundings! We saw much and enjoyed the "family" company and our holiday almost too quickly came to an end. Frank was much better and his anxiety re the family leaving U.K. for Canada just left him, and when he said "I'm now quite sure that they did the right thing", I was pleased that my decision, earlier, was felt by him.

The car from Barton and the nice lady car owner was there to greet us at Gatwick at 3a.m. (I think). We reached Barton at 8a.m. on Sunday, Ray having taken us with Jo and Tom, to Ottawa and then he with us, on the plane to Toronto. I have very much to thank Ray and family for - especially for the great interest and talking point later, when visitors called, that Frank had, when speaking of Canada and how very much he loved to listen to tapes and show slides. He even spoke of a visit to a Safari in Africa and would have allowed me to spend some of my nest egg!! Up until then it had to remain untouched! He made the rules and I tried to keep them, usually, I must admit, to my advantage. He never praised me - or in fact anyone - so the office staff have told me since. I once asked why and he said "I will not tell you, but I will say that I let anyone know if I am displeased". He loved praise of his work, in a quiet way, accepted it without comment.

Frank died [July 5, 1972] 5 days after our wedding anniversary and nine days after my 70th. birthday - he was 66. I had decided not to keep my birthday date but on the mat was a card from Frank. A nurse had bought and posted it - it had taken him three efforts to write "My dearest wife Hilda, with all my love, Frank". He addressed the envelope and started to write his signature at the foot of the address.

Frank Haythornthwaite

1906 - 1972

Ray arrived from Canada very quickly after my telephone call to him and remained in U.K. for 1 month. Jo and Tom arrived after the cremation, and dear Jo and Tom and also Jo's parents were at the bungalow and helped me before and after my visit, 3 weeks after Frank died, to New Cross Hospital for a mastectomy operation.

I lived for a year at the Barton bungalow - found I could live on my own - but in the end had to make a choice between going to Canada and marrying a very dear friend, Brian, a widower, having lost his wife a year earlier than my loss. We both had done our best for our partners - missed them terribly - he had one daughter and grandson, and I had one son and grandson. He was 7 years younger than I and I, at 70, felt honoured at being asked "Will you share my life and my Rover 2000?" (his Xmas present to himself). We shared many interests and he made me feel that I am a woman. If I hadn't had this latest operation, my task would have been harder. I decided to live in Canada and have had no regrets.

Frank's family attended the Congregational Chapel in Blackburn where his Father was Sunday School Superintendent for years. He also was keen on and belonged to "The Odd - Fellows" and I was asked to give Alec a photograph taken of him in his robes and to give the tie pin and insignia badge. They were not Frank's but were rescued by him from Alec's first home when things were all sold. That is why I have all the Haythornthwaite birth certificates, etc. Frank valued them and had asked to look over papers and been told to keep any he wanted. Years later Alec said he wished he had kept the photo and was told he could have it one day - and Alec said "Fair enough", after looking at it one day, when he was most surprised to learn that Frank had it, and treasured it. He really was delighted when I gave it to him and he said "Our Father was a wonderful man' - time for everybody - should have been a Doctor of Medicine. He always knew what to prescribe and the value of so many medical remedies."

E.H.H.

I left England on October 28th. 1973. The new gadget came into use on Jan 1st 1974 so I did not see it in use. I have all the details - all Frank's papers dealing - and a small model. He had great pleasure, for a very long time in thinking out this invention but as he died on July 5th. 1972, he did not see it in use except at the Office Laboratory, under testing conditions, which needed no adjustment.

He wrote an article in the Post Office Electrical Engineers' Journal ( The Institution of Post Office Electrical Engineers). I have the volume 60 - No. 2, July 1967. Article Heading "Ratchet Relay Patent No. 32883/64 and No. 49380/64. He invented this project over several years, finishing and submitting it after retirement and when at Barton. It is completely the property of the Office and has saved them much money and time. I left England just before it came into general use but Gordon Machan, B. Sc, who writes to me at Xmas and has now gone to another department, has mentioned how very popular and much used it has become.

The lovely bedroom suite Frank made for us before we married and when in lodgings at Woodside, is now at Dawes House Milford-on-Sea, a retirement home for 6 ladies and a housekeeper. The bedside table is in the hall and holds telephone and directories. The tall boy is in one bedroom and wardrobe and bed in others. The television set is in their sitting room. I was a guest at the opening of the home and visited the ladies although they did not know I gave the furniture and it was nice to hear how they liked living by the sea and in such lovely surroundings. It is one of the Aberfield Homes in England. The ladies do not have much money. Some have looked after elderly parents and do not qualify for retirement pension in their own right. This house was given by the Worshipful Company of Tanners and is maintained by them. I could never have wanted to sell Frank's furniture and it was too heavy and held too many memories to take to Canada - new furniture is better for my new life style.

England will still have some reminders of Frank. There is a seat on the Cliffs at Barton-on-Sea, placed opposite Christchurch Bay Road - looking out to sea with a wonderful view from it of the Needles and Isle of Wight, Milford-on-Sea coastline to left and Highcliffe, Boscombe, Bournemouth and Dorset coastline to the right. The seat is very popular - one of just a few available. I had got permission to have one and mentioned it to my neighbour George Passmore. Whilst I was in hospital he made all arrangements and on my return I was very surprised to find a seat already on the cliffs bearing a plaque which reads "In memory of Frank Haythornthwaite from Friends and Neighbours". So often Frank and I had sat on a seat along the front and he had said "What a lovely idea" and I had agreed.

E.H.H. on seat established in memory of Frank Haythornthwaite

Frank's name is in the Record Book at Bournemouth Crematorium on the page dated July 5th, 1972, with just the simplest "At Rest" comment. The entry is last on the page for that date. Our name is also recorded as paying for bricks for the building of both Barton-on-Sea and Milford-on-Sea Methodist Churches, which we watched being built, with great interest, when on our walks.

There is a Haythornthwaite Sports Trophy Shield presented by Frank to Marian Vian Junior School (where he was on Parent and Teachers Committee for two years) which always hangs outside the class with most sports marks for the year. We both were on the Sports committee one year and enjoyed helping to organise games on the Open Day. Sports Day Activities were fun! The children didn't realise it but most of them went home with prizes. One committee member went to a wholesalers and purchased hundreds of "prizes" and even if a child ran a few yards or formed a team to line up, he was lucky. Really good prizes were given for main events that day. I had the job of listing the table of events and recording winners' names with the help of willing "runners". I remember Frank was a linesman judge. We both were very tired next day. Ray had a relay team prize.

At tile age of 70 Years I became a widow after just 36 years of living a very happy married life. My only son Raymond Frank, married to Joyce Mary (Jo), had one son Thomas Westby and they now lived in Ottawa Canada. I lived alone at a beautiful bungalow, built for us, at Barton-on-Sea Hampshire, England and after having had a mastectomy operation three weeks after my husband died, returned to my bungalow to plan an interesting future. It took quite a lot of deciding. Ray and family had been marvelous with their help and understanding and many friends me in their invitations and visited me. Always a W.I. member, I continued to be helpful and enjoyed, too, my Sunday morning visits to the little 'local church which we. had watched being built and in fact "bought some bricks" towards it.

The bungalow and quite large garden with its comfortable chalet, kept me busy, weeding etc., but' I did have the lawn's attended to and mowed by a contractor ( as we did when my husband was alive). At this time I formed a friendship with a widower I met at the church and he was a great help, having, had my experience a year earlier. It became a habit at first just to talk at or on the way from church.

He, like me, lived alone - had one daughter and grandson was a chief cashier at a Midland Bank near Southampton, (7 years younger than I) We both loved music and enjoyed walks together. Both had done our very best for our partners while we could. He was very lonely but always cheerful and he adored his daughter and her family as I did mine.

Meanwhile I decided to live one year on my own before making future plans. I knew that I would be welcome in Canada but felt it wrong to rush into any such important decisions. Having so few relatives left in England - mostly male and both of them not well - my cousins Cyril and Ron, I felt I had no ties and they both later thought my immigration the right thing. Ray, bless him, meanwhile made enquiries and was able to get papers to me, giving details and I really began to seriously try to sort out my future. (This was July 1972.)

At Christmas time Brian bought himself a Rover 2000 car for a Christmas (1972) present and I had to be the first to go for a drive in it and I realised how seriously he felt about us and that I looked forward to our friendship (I liked his attention). In march he asked if I would share his life.

Had I been younger and not minus some of my anatomy my decision would have been very much harder - he knew of, and had visited me at New Cross Hospital twice with a friend from Barton Church. I had known him for about a year before Frank died - didn't know he was a widower then. I knew his brother-in-law and wife at church. They all sat together and in fact I thought the brother-in-law to be the widower. As I was alone they always spoke to me and then started to keep a seat for me and I learnt, to my surprise that Brian was unattached and that his daughter liked me!!! If ever there was a surprise this was one to me. They too did not know of Frank but when they did know they were all concern and were amongst my friendly helpers, whilst Frank was so ill. He was on holiday in Germany when Frank died.

Now July 1973 I began to make plans to start a really new life in Canada. Had the necessary medical and fulfilled the required procedure but waited for the result of the medical before putting the bungalow up for sale. Had 5 interested would-be purchasers, but money was hard to find and some had to drop out. Eventually a Mr. and Mrs. Bradford from Amersham, after a little delay, became the owners on Nov. 2nd. 1973. Ray came to England and helped me tremendously, to wind up my English affairs and see me safely to Canada.

We reached Ray's home on Oct. 28th. 1973. Jo met us at Ottawa Airport and I stayed. with them for a few weeks until 1 moved into an apartment on December 1st. 1973. I leased this for two years and since have it for a further two years now until November 1977.

Expecting to have my money sent from England a great disappointment greeted me on Nov. 2nd. - there was absolutely no hope of any of the bungalow money reaching me despite the fact that Ray went to England, to try to sort things out. It was only when a fresh government came into power that the Bank of England changed its ruling and at over 60 years women and 65 for men, capital over 5 thousand pounds (the previous limit) was allowed and all my monies came on August 14th. 1974. At last I could really feel settled and have easily adopted a Canadian life.

With the family I have visited Niagara Falls, staying two nights at motels to and from the falls, and went on a marvelous ski trip to the Rockies, Jasper and Chateau Lake Louise in April 1975. Have made friends both in the apartment building and at the Country Club next door to here. Very much enjoy Horticultural meetings and going to them with Jo once a month.

The family are a joy to be with and my new type of life is just great. The Christmas Day visit to the family to share the opening of our gifts is a highlight, also the shared Christmas Dinner. Jo is secretary (Hon.) and generally keeps me up to date. She and Ray still study some of their time and Tom works hard at school. They are all skiers, skaters, swimmers, golfers, table tennis players and canoe in summer on Canada's Ottawa River at times. They went to Prince Edward island and Nova Scotia on holiday in 1975 and had their first experience of a hurricane which endangered them for a few hours. Damage was widespread but they were housed O.K. and were very lucky. Enjoyed the rest of their holiday. Jo and Ray have both changed their original cars recently and I have been flattered that they have interested me in their "likes" before purchasing their choice. It is nice to know that they have reliable car this country of varied weathers. Visitors from England have called on us both at Foothills Drive and my apartment and I have many letters from friends and cousins so will not lose touch with U.K. Brian has sold his bungalow - now lives with his daughter, whose husband died suddenly (only 30 years of age). She goes out to her husband's (solicitor's office) job and Brian gives an eye to his grandson until he goes to boarding school next year. Brian has fully retired now and is glad that he is able to help his daughter to become adjusted to her change of routine and I know that he will make sure that young Graham will have a good education. I found him a very likeable boy - a keen wolf cub. He must miss his Dad.

I keep in touch with Frank's sister Alice and brother Albert (Alec - Sandy to Frank.) Alice lives in a home attached to a hospital for elderly ladies - she has her own furniture, front door etc. - has two married (adopted) daughters and one granddaughter. All live near Coventry, Warwickshire. Alec also lives in Warwickshire, at Kenilworth. They have 3 married children, Helen with two young daughters, Gerald with a young son and daughter and Howard - no family to date. Alice writes more often but Alec at Christmas. It is nice to receive their letters. Both Alice and Alec had stayed at our Barton bungalow. We had never, at any time, stayed at Alec's home, but Alice was kind to us when Ray was at Coventry and we did visit them when Alice's husband was alive, and they us. Frank was never very 'close' to either his sister or brother, but Alec and Eva visited Frank when he was at Poole Hospital and I know Alec grieved very much that they had hot been friendly until so late. All three of the Haythornthwaite family were so very different in character - outlooks so different - ambitions and temperaments.

Frank never wrote to them - even Christmas cards were written by me. We were invited to all the weddings by Alec - including Raymond and Jo were guests and we accepted. Liked to see them all happy.

To have a telephone in Canada is a great joy. No restrictions of three minutes per call as in England or chargeable for each three minutes duration. All local calls are free. I can still, after over 2 years, hardly believe this to be true!! To be able to call or speak to the family ad lib each day is just a lovely habit and one of my real joys to have a long intelligent conversation with Eliza or Gladys. The latter I talk to for ages daily and now I know heaps of ways to cook food - quite differently to how I would have done so - make use of chicken carcase- result, lovely soup - chop up and add to corned beef and potato mixed. A change from corned beef and salad as of yore!

Gladys is a dear and we have daily laughs together. Due to her, perhaps, I will become more domesticated. Always just got by - but now find Canadian ways very fascinating and a challenge!!! Potatoes only meant roast or mashed and I'm not so sure that Gladys doesn't sometimes say "I am having..." just for me to ask "What are they? How do you make those? Never heard of.... before" She is fun and I look forward to our daily telephone call. Lisa is very helpful. She is a keen needlewoman. It was her livelihood at one time. Makes all her own dresses and now is to knit a suit for herself and expects to have it to take away in six weeks time I believe - have learned many little helpful things in the needlework line. I have never yet made a dress for myself - my friends here could shame me. Cooking, now needlework!!

Since being, in my apartment I have taken great interest in Cultivating African violets from leaf. Choose a healthy looking leaf - allow it to root in water, then transfer to a pot of soil. Some very fine results have given pleasure - about 10 months from leaf to flowering - about 60% from single leaves earlier. I now plant two leaves to a pot instead of one and am luckier with results this way and will have larger "cusions" of flowers. Ordinary indoor bulbs (hyacinths etc.) do not grow in the apartment atmosphere, I have found, but one of Jo Ray and Tom's Christmas presents to me is a pink and white Amaryllis bulb and it has grown very quickly into a tall superb display with 5 gorgeous flowers, to give me very great pleasure. Hope to have more next year. I really was disappointed other years when bulbs completely failed, both indoors and outside in the lovely little balcony garden Ray and Tom made for me. This looks very pretty in the spring, summer and autumn with colourful low growing flowers. It is a pleasure to sit out on the balcony in the good weather. A lovely New Forest - like (Hampshire, U.K.) view greets me to my left - field and lovely trees ahead and small houses to the right. The very wide Ottawa River with its lovely hills beyond lie too low for me to see from this floor, but by going in the elevator to the Penthouse Lounge I can enjoy a wonderful view of the River and surrounding countryside, also, to the far left the district in which the family live and Tom attends High School - Bells Corners.

c.1973

write to Ray Haythornthwaite | Ray's web site
write to Tom Haythornthwaite | Tom's web site